Oh, excuses...

Was that me? Could it really have been? Could I really have done that?

Surely you are joking...There's no way that I could have done that! I mean, really, come on.

Oh? You have proof? You saw the whole thing? I can't escape?

There's no way...Well, that's me, for sure. I guess I can't hide it now.

I make those excuses all the time before God. Sometimes, I just can't understand how I could do something so despicable, and so wrong right in front of Him. It's a sobering reminder: that is, God is there whenever we sin. He's on the side, watching us fall. He looks on with contempt and anger towards what we do. God hates disobedience (sin). He hates when his children disobey.

God, thank you so much for not striking me down right there! Thank you so much for dealing with this fruitless growth with forgiveness and love! Thank you so much for not condemning me to wrath!

God looks on me with love and patience. Shouldn't I do the same for Him?

Back to School

Lately, I've been neglecting making time for God. I think about Him every day, but not enough. I don't apply my faith in Him to my life in a very direct way. I've been putting off getting to know Him and worship him, and instead replacing that with selfish motives. I've been spending more time "devoting" myself to other people. Being devoted to other people is not a bad thing in and of itself, but when you replace God with them, they become idols.

Now that I'm back to school, its going to get much harder, and I pray that I would have the motivation to keep my mind focused on God, and talking to Him constantly throughout the day. I have to make sure that I'm not lazy, like I have been over the past few weeks. When I wasn't busy and didn't have any homework to occupy my time, I didn't make time for God. Now, I have to make time for Him in the midst of stress and work. But this is when I need Him most and need to be focused on Him the most.

This may sound like I'm talking in circles, but only God can change my devotion to Him and make it better. Only God can reach into my heart and change me. I do need to work to change, but God will be the one to put it on my heart to pursue Him every single day.

"So then neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but God who causes the growth."

--1 Corinthians 3:7

Doubt turning into Trust

God proves me wrong when I doubt him.

Recently, I had been doubting the life of our youth group. I was thinking that it was fading away. Up until Christmas break, hardly anyone was coming and I was starting to feel discouraged. I was also not realizing how good of a youth pastor we have. I was doubting God and blaming Him for not giving us a "good enough" youth pastor.

Well, was I proved wrong!!

I love it! Last week, 21 people showed up at youth group, when before it had been maybe 10. Tonight it was even more! And I learned a lot about Mr. Richard today and what a good youth pastor he is and how he thinks about us and cares for the group. He wants to see us grow. He is very smart theologically and taught us a good lesson on Ruth and Naomi and how Naomi was a messenger to Ruth and had an impact on her faith. I'm really proud of Mr. Richard. He is a messenger too. Today during co-op, he really ministered to Rowan. While I sat and listened (because I'm more of a listener), he and Rowan got into a discussion about her faith, and he really explained a lot of things to her. He's even going to be giving her a book to go through and will be meeting with her every other week to go over it with her. What a witness!

I think I really underestimated him...

Now before I go idolizing Mr. Richard, let me recenter my argument, speech, essay, whatever you want to call it, since I got off on that tangent.

God really proved me wrong. He really did.

I was telling myself that the youth group was going to die down and no one would ever come anymore. God has caused the youth group to grow, just as I was doubting. I was doubting Mr. Richard's ability as a youth pastor, and I was proved wrong.

God opened my eyes to see that He really is blessing me. And He's helping me to realize that I'm not in charge and that He has everything under control. I'm not the one to run my life, He is.

I just think its really amazing, that, when I was doubting God, He proved me wrong and revitalized my faith! And He will continue to do that over and over again. I might not always like it, or like the fact that I'm being proved wrong, but it will help my faith to grow and for me to become more dependent on Him.

Thank You God! <3

Struggle

It take effort to be a Christian. I'm just going to go ahead and put that out there, y'all. It takes effort to believe in the bible (an ancient book), and in God (an invisible, not physical deity). You may not get any physical reward, and you may not be any better off. At first glance, that's very discouraging. I mean we're all humans, and we naturally seek and value physical things.

I'm sure that the bible didn't promise us any physical gain if/when we believe in Christ as our savior. Instead, the bible assures us that we gain Christ (duh?), and thereby gain salvation and forgiveness. So faith in Christ definitely means hope for great things to come.

But wait...Does that mean the God isn't here, right now? He's just sitting back, waiting for us to die and come up to Heaven? Did He just give us Christ, and leave us to figure everything out ourselves?


NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! (If you could only hear me yelling, this would be much more effective.)

Jesus himself states, "If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it." This means blessings, this means grace, this means...a lot of things! God not only forgives us, thereby saving us, but he also promises that is we ask him for grace, for help, he'll give it to us. This could mean healing, sure. This could also mean hope and strength. It could also mean patience.

What it doesn't mean is wealth, good social stature, muscles, or anything like that. God desires Himself glorified in all ways, which is why he doesn't answer our selfish requests. I ask, how can God be glorified by giving you a brand new mustang? Sure, you could say I'll use it to get to church, and maybe carpool somether there, too. I mean, anything can be construed to make spiritual sense. By what defines selfishness is not plausibility, but your heart. When we're saved, we start this process called sanctification, whereby we're being made holy. What happens in this process is a heart change, an attitude change, a bunch of change. It's here where God gives us his holy spirit, which works to conform us to His image.

The neat thing is, though, that this process changes our desires. We no longer want to serve ourselves, but instead desire to serve God and desire that His name be glorified. So,we don't pray selfishly any longer, but learn to seek His kingdom and blessings to promote that kingdom here on earth.

So, boom! There ya go. Your selfish requests and desires don't fly well with God. Perhaps, you need to re-evaluate who and what you really believe in. :)

Devotion and how I fail at it

Lately, no, for a while, I've been noticing a horrible pattern in myself. It happened again tonight...

When Dad told us to get our Bibles for devotions tonight, I got this feeling inside of me. A bad feeling. I'm not quite sure how to describe it, but it was like I was complaining to myself about having to do devotions again. As if it were a bad thing. Its like I was dreading sitting there for an hour hearing Dad talk and read the Bible.

What?!?! Why do I dread it? Its the Bible!

Why should I be complaining about hearing God's Word and learning more about Him? I guess I just feel like it drones on and its hard to listen to. Then, I just end up zoning it out and thinking about other things. I am ashamed of this behavior!

Is it laziness? A lack of care? I think its both. I don't care about God enough to actually make an effort to study His Word and grow. Sure, I talk to Him and I look up Bible verses, but when it actually comes down to sitting down and reading a chapter, I don't even try to absorb it. I am not devoted to Him like I should be.

Its ironic how the name "Rebekah" means "Earnest Devotee" because that's exactly what I'm not.

What to do? What to do about this? Do I love God enough to pursue Him with my whole heart? Do I have the conviction that I need? I just need to be reminded of how hard He worked to save me, just because He loves me. Now that right there is love. Real, true, pure love. Sacrificing yourself, going through the hardest tests and trials anyone has ever experienced, resisting every single temptation, all for the sake of us miserable sinners who don't even try. If that doesn't convict me, I don't know what would.

Christ died for me and the Holy Spirit works in me. In that, I should be convicted and motivated to live for God and to love Him. And that starts with paying attention in Bible study...

Thank You.

I tried.
I tasted.
I fell.

Although few, these three sentences accurately describe my own personal effort to become my own God. If not for God's presence and hand in my life, I would have never known...

I really strive to do bad. I mean, I must. In reality I hate sinning, but to sin always feels so sweet. It's an addiction, it's a craving, it's my reality.

My life is not ruled by my sin. It can't be. Or else, why would I feel so bad for sinning? Something must be at work. Something else must have a stake. Something must be reaching out to me, changing me, helping me.

God, thanks you for your hands, your presence. Thank you for your faithfulness. Thanks you for being with me. Thank you for staying with me. Thank you for being so kind. Thank you for for loving me.

Legalism or Love?

So, my thoughts for the day...

I've realized that I've been really legalistic lately. I've been judging myself according to what's wrong and what's right, what I should and shouldn't do. All in all, that's not particularly a bad thing. Its when it goes to far and I'm doing it just for the sake of the law that it becomes a problem.

When you're legalistic, you're picking on every little thing that you do wrong, and essentially disrespecting yourself. It would be the same as if you nitpicked everyone else's actions- they would feel offended and disrespected.

I feel like most of what I've been doing has been discrediting God. When I beat myself up for my mistakes, I don't forgive myself and I don't believe that He has forgiven me. And that shows a lack of trust in Him. A lack of faith in His ability to forgive. I am so foolish...

What I should be doing is looking to Him with joy and praise and realizing that He is able to forgive me and to save me no matter what sins I commit. Instead of moping around and effectively complaining about what a miserable sinner I am, I should give thanks for a Savior who takes care of all of that for me, so that I need not worry or fear. It's all taken care of with His blood. And I can look to the joy of Him to get me through life and to save me from letting my sin hold me down.

Of course I'll still sin. It's impossible not to. But I have the motivation to try and please God because of what He's done for me. And I should do that joyously and not fret when I mess up over and over again.

What a wonderful comfort it is to know that we have someone who cares about us so much that He would send his only begotten Son to die for us, so that we won't be held accountable for our sin in the end.

He really does love us so much, more than we will ever know!

:)

"Cleaning up" my life

I cleaned my room today...

It wasn't fun at first. When I knew I had to do it, I just looked at the piles of clothes and shoes and books and trash and just felt overwhelmed. It was one of those messes where I couldn't see the floor. I don't know how it gets that way, but it just does. Probably--no--DEFINITELY because I'm lazy.

The same thing can be said about my faith. If I don't keep it up, if I don't exercise it constantly, it falls into disrepair. It becomes messy and cluttered and harder to understand. If I don't study God's Word, I won't grow in my faith, but will only become stagnant, and let the mess of the world start building up on my heart.

One thing that finally motivated me to start cleaning was looking at my sister's half of the room...Spotless. I saw how beautiful and comfortable and nice it looked and I wanted the same for myself. I was motivated to clean because I saw what she had and I wanted the same thing too.

When I look at the faith of those whose faith is strong, like those older and wiser than me. Like those who trust God with everything, I see that they are joyous, no matter what the circumstances they're in. They love God through the good and the bad. They make it a point to grow closer with Him and don't have as much clutter as I do. (Of course, everyone has clutter, and these people aren't perfect, but their walks of faith are in much better shape than mine.) I see their faith and I want faith like theirs. I want to walk closer with God and see Him clearer. The only way I can do that is if I keep on coming back and clean up the clutter of my life over and over again.

Although the journey through the treacherous jungle of a messy bedroom was hard, and kicking up the dust really woke the sneezing monster up, I looked at my room when I was finished, (in fact, I'm sitting here looking at it now) and felt relieved, felt accomplished. I had finally done something that I needed to do.

In the same way, the journey to a stronger faith is hard. It's hard to be consistent in pursuing God every day. It's hard to remember sometimes. It hurts when it means you have to give up some things for Him. When I see the mountain ahead of me, I don't want to climb it. I don't even want to try, because I'm afraid it will hurt too much. But I realize that I must. In order for my relationship with God to grow, I need to pursue Him with all my heart. In the end, it will be worth it. In the end, I will have comfort in Him. In the end, I'll look at my faith and my relationship with God and will be glad that I tried. In the end, my task will be accomplished.

Only with His help, though, no other way. Only with His help and His grace can I perform my task and have stronger faith in Him.

The Hope of Christ's Second Coming

Tonight, I watched Lord of the Rings, The Two Towers with my family. A very adventurous, mythical movie that we all really like. You might say, how does this have to do with daily devotions about God.

Actually, it does. The Lord of the Rings trilogy points to Christ in many aspects. The Two Towers has a very strong analogy to the second coming of Christ. When the whole world is going wrong and it seems as if there is no hope for those in battle at Helm's Deep. A few hundred men and elves (and one dwarf) against 10,000 orcs. Such little good against so much bad. Just as they have only a glimmer of hope left, Gandalf, the white wizard appears at the top of the hill, just as the sun rises. As the sun's rays come pouring in, Gandalf and a herd of more riders gallop at full speed down the hill. Taken by complete surprise, the orcs are soon wiped out entirely. As Gandalf had promised, he returned when he said he would and saved them all from the dark forces.

This parallels what Christ will do for us. Now, we are in a world full of evil, where men's hearts are being darkened day by day. They cannot see the light that is coming and have turned against it. They rebel against God. Darkness is trying to overcome the light. People's hearts harden every day. Either they don't realize this, or they just want to ignore the fact that God is powerful and will have his way in the end.

It will come as a great surprise to those who aren't looking for Christ's second coming. Just as us believers are grasping tightly to the little bit of hope we have left, He will come and take away all of our enemies. He will take away all evil, all death, all destruction, and everything that pushes against us. We will have nothing to fear and we will finally see God face to face with nothing to get in the way.

What a glorious day that will be!

Looking Forward

Classes today really hit me hard today. I had a quiz in my Mechanics of Materials class. I failed this quiz. All day I studied and worked just to make sure I was prepared. In reality, I wasn't nearly prepared enough.

A friend asked me today, "If you died right now, would you be sure that you're going to Heaven?" Another friend quipped, "If you were arrested for being a Christian, would the authorities have enough evidence to convict you?"

These are really hard questions to answer. Much like my quiz, I initially thought myself well prepared, well suited for a perfect afterlife, you know? In regards to the second question posed earlier, would anybody know that I'm a Christian unless I told them? Is my life characterized by spiritual fruit? Or, am I just a Christian nut? If standing at the pearly gates, would God say to me, "Well done, good and faithful servant?"

Well, if good works and deeds made my salvation possible, and sustained it daily, then no. In fact, I'd fail with flying colors! Salvation isn't based on things like that. No, not at all... It's really about the great things that God has done. We often say, "By grace alone" when describing our salvation (Christians, that is). I think this concept could and should be extended to say, "By God alone." We're in this, doing this, suffering this, learning this, experiencing this, enjoying this, loving this, and living this all for God!

Wait, hold up. I didn't explain a few additional points that I made earlier:

"Would anybody know that I'm a Christian unless I told them? Is my life characterized by spiritual fruit? Or, am I just a Christian nut?"

I so often try too hard to "act" like a Christian without having to actually do Christianity. That's right, I try to play the game without the pieces. As if God liked my big 'ole spiritual mask. (He doesn't, by the way.) God doesn't want my acts, my shows, my intense spirituality. He wants my heart.

He'll humble me to get at it. He'll tear off my mask, and he'll make weak my own strength. He'll put his spirit on me, and he'll teach me to rely on Him.

I'm so glad that there's no final exam in Heaven.

Who am I to judge others?

So, today, I've noticed something about myself, I'm not a very nice person. I say this because if I said out loud everything that goes on in my mind, I could be defined as a very rude, heartless person. Even some of the things I say portray that.

For instance, I'm still having trouble with this whole forgiveness thing. I think its because I feed my hatred with coming up with reasons to hate and pick on her. I complain about her to everyone else. Thankfully though, they've learned that this is wrong and are helping to keep me accountable to tame what I say about her. Its essentially gossip and its wrong.

I also haven't been very gracious with the little brother. It can be hard when all he does is pick on me and constantly hurt my pride. I just want him to stop and be good. I guess I'm expecting him to be perfect. I get irritated with him easily because of this. I'm judging him because of his sins against me. This goes back to the whole forgiveness thing again...

God forgave me, why can't I forgive them.

I also noticed today that I have been judging others according to their ability and the effort they put into their work. How can I judge them, when I do the same thing? I called my brother a hypocrite today. When saying that, I realized, I am one too.

I make all the same mistakes that everyone else does. I am lazy and delay doing things that I should be doing. I do things that I shouldn't do. I don't do things that I should do.

"Therefore you are inexcusable, O man, whoever you are who judge, for in whatever you judge another you condemn yourself; for you who judge practice the same things."

--Romans 2:1

So, I'm only condemning myself. The only one who deserves to judge is God.

Another thing, I'm lazy, just like everyone else. Pastor Benner preached on Sunday about his devotion to God. He compared the time he spends reading the Bible to the time he spends flossing, which was about once a month. I could say about myself that I am just as bad at remembering God as he is, if not worse. But there I go comparing again...

I end up judging myself too. In reality, we are all equal. The only difference is that those of us who believe and trust in Jesus Christ are forgiven and our sins are erased. To rightfully judge someone, you must be perfect. God is the only one who fills that requirement. He is the only one that can rightfully judge, without sin getting in the way.

As humans, we judge unjustly, our sinful nature always, ALWAYS gets in the way.

If we could just stop judging each other, we'd have a much happier world, and maybe we'd actually get along.

But of course, that's impossible, so we'll just rely on God's grace to save us.

God's grace, that is what can make us perfectly happy!

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a powerful thing.

It is the reason we can live our daily lives without fear, because we know we have a Savior. We deserve hell. Without forgiveness, that is what we would get. But because God forgives us, we do not have to fear hell. We can live with the peace that passes all understanding. The peace that we will spend an eternity worshiping God for His amazing grace!

If Christ was willing to die in order to forgive us, why is it so hard for us to forgive each other? Why is it so hard to forget the hurt that others have caused us? I mean, we hurt God every day by disobeying Him, and yet, He is able to forgive us. Amazing...

How could we be so selfish?! We are shown amazing grace, and yet, we cannot give the slightest amount of grace to other people. I don't know why, but its hard to forget the harm that people have caused me. I can't put it behind me. I can't let go. I can't.

Here is what I said that night, "I don't get along with you as a friend, but I still love you as a person."

Did I really mean that? I don't think I really did. What was it, pity for her tears, perhaps? I haven't forgiven.

"For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions."

--Matthew 6:14-15

Now, this is a scary thought, and I'm not completely sure what it means. But if it is straight forward and means what it says, than I'm essentially toast If I can't forgive. I must forgive, or I won't be forgiven. If not for the reason of being saved from Death, but for the love of my Father, may I forgive.

I want to please Him, so why don't I start by forgiving?

Writing things out really does help you think...

First Thing

So, this is the FIRST blog post....


I'm so nervous!
Actually, I'm not.

Today was a bit of a struggle. So much to do with school and such, it was hard for me to remember God was there with me the entire time. Odd, isn't it? I mean, God's so big that his presence is infinite. (And I didn't even take notice!!) So, how to fix this, how to solve this, how to do better...

Perhaps a routine is in order! Yes, that's right, a routine. I could, say, do lunch time devotions. Or morning prayer. Or both. Or a bunch of things!

The main thing is, truly, I've got to get my mind centered on God. When I idolize Him, it's hard to idolize anything else. (That's a good thing.)

" Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever believes in me will also do the works that I do; and greater works that these will he do, because I am going to the Father."
(John 14, v. 12)