Long time running...

It's hard to maintain:

• Friendships
• Work Ethic
• Morals
• Relationships
• An Image
• Life

It's no wonder that all of these things give us a lot of trouble. This list of items (generalized) are at the forfront of our our very lives. We see friends almost daily. We constantly need to maintain a good work ethic. Morality is being questioned around every turn, as sin is ever present. Relationships must be constantly maintained, or apathy will destroy the bond between two individuals. Our image is who we present ourselves to be, and that form of witness is an incredible tool for evangelism. Lastly, we constantly live our lives, or else we'd be dead; the first five items in this list comprise a lot of what we call, "living."

Let me ask, how much do you worry about these things? I worry about them a great deal, and I often frustrate myself with the amount of importance that I put on each. I think my frustration could more accurately be called, "stress." It's that anxiousness that persists after every decision, and every mistake. Stress even develops after a seemingly good effort. Apparently, every last decision counts towards some idealistic future that we people have. Our hope is founded in pure fiction; things that we don't even know. As if life followed a set of predetermined paths and consequences.

I'd go as far as to say there still exists an even more accurate title for this condition- that is, fear. Fear over what others may think of me. Fear over how people see me in my dress and appearance. Fear over my sin, and how bad I am, and how there couldn't be any forgiveness for someone like I. Fear with whether I'm doing an effective job of leading Rebekah. Fear of my sin, and God's punishment. Fear of the decisions that I make (past), and how they impact my life (present and future). Fear of how others will treat me. Fear of a lack of respect. Fear of a bad performance. Et cetera..

Perhaps, fear could be given a better name: dishonesty. I stretch the truth unconsciously, it seems. Though, that's not to say that I'm not responsible. I willingly commit my sins. I consciously choose to disobey God's commandements, which the holy spirit has laid on my heart and imprinted onto my soul. There exists a conscience in this body.

Perhaps dishonesty has a more accurate name: pride. I know just what I do. In my heart and mind, I fully consent to wrongdoing. So much so, even, that I eventually become apathetic. At first, I refused to obey God. Eventually, I no longer care.

God, please remind me of how little I am, so as to remember just how big, and how great, and how magnificent you are!