Looking forward.

Dear Rebekah,

So, if there's one thing that I've learned today from watching hours of grey's anatomy and desperate housewives, it's that deception is never a good thing. That marital deception, at it's heart, is rooted in desire.

But what could it be for? A desire for other things? A desire for new things? A desire for sex? A desire for many women? As I watched this show, I saw deception ruining friendships, marriages, love...

Men were cheating on their wives, and girlfriends. Women were cheating on husbands, and boyfriends. And all of these people were friends! So, what became of this devotion was nothing but an interwoven, complicated mess.

How could this have been prevented? A little effort, I think. Effort, that is, put towards their morals.

Put towards their love.

Now, here comes the hard part, the one that I don’t want to say. This comes from a man who has not succeeded in these things. A man who has, instead, turned to the world for affection; I’ve traded real love for a temporary pleasure. It is this pleasure that I turn my eyes to nightly while I am away. The pangs of lust are too strong for my heart to look away from. While I pray for a way out, I do yet still scheme for a way in.

If only I put such effort towards good things, like “morals.” You see, I am no different from the world I jest and scoff at. I embody everything that I hate. I am my own death and destruction.

At least, that is what the enemy would like me to think. While I do these things, and while I am still a hypocrite, God has done so much to make my fate the complete opposite of what I deserve. The enemy would love for me to think that I am despondent. I’m sure that Satan would enjoy seeing me hopeless. My fate has been sealed in eternity, because Jesus Christ made it so.

I seek to encourage you with the truth, Rebekah. I am a sinner, and I deserve the stones that come my way. I am not trying to atone through you, but I do ask for your forgiveness. I seek to live a life by God; I want to repent under his shield and guidance. I want my life to mean more than the sin that runs rampant inside of me. You cannot do this, Rebekah, though it has been my tragic mistake to assume that you could.

I call this a refocus. I call this a call to arms. I pray it does not end like the others. I pray that my devotion would not run dry. I pray that my motivation would stay true to only God, our Father.

My love, what I’ve learned from Him.

-Josh